So little...So powerful

So if I wasn't sure before, I am definitely sure now...There is a baby growing in there and he/she is taking over. One blogger described her "symptoms" as gifts, so in the spirit of it all I'll try to stay just as positive (I mean I did ask for this, right). So the following are a list of gifts that my new baby, yet so small, has already given me:

1. Frequent moody/emotional moments
I cried the other morning because a car cut me off on the highway. Are you serious? I couldn't understand why I was so upset at this driver so I cried more. I'm so snappy and irritated a lot. I try hard to check myself (as I was quite feisty before the pregnancy) but it so hard to control the irritation. If I'm not crying, I'm moody. If not moody, then I'm extremely happy (remembering my blessing). Finally, if I'm not happy, then I'm sick -Which brings me to my next "gift".

2. Morning-Noon-Evening-Night Sickness
I think this term morning sickness should be reconsidered. Whoever said the sickness was specific to mornings only? I have several moments where I'm not sick at all, but then there are those moments where I wonder if my baby likes me. I'm nauseous, cramping, irritable and achy. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that these symptoms means my baby is in there. I try to stay positive during those moments, but the term 'morning sickness' is very very misleading :).

3. Sleeping PatternsThere comes a time in my day that sleep hits me and there is nothing I can do about it. Case in point- I took our summer campers outside to play on the playground yesterday and as I enjoyed watching them play, I found myself dozing off uncontrollably. Thank God there was another teacher outside or perhaps I should have been reported to the authorities for child(ren) abuse. I promise it's not my fault though. The sleep hits me like nothing I've ever felt before. It's as if I took 3 times a dosage of NyQuil. I'm still trying to learn how to work through those moments. I don't work at a desk in an office all day. Most of my day is spent with active summer campers who most definitely cannot have one unsupervised moment. What must I do?

4. Finally a "TMI" moment (Warning may not be suitable for young readers :)
Let's talk about these things attached to my body that I once called breast. They now are more like floatation devices. They're huge, they're sore and the option of going braless is no more. I never thought this change would happen so early in pregnancy. I assumed that the further along you are, your body starts to produce the milk to nourish the baby and that is why most women's breast are huge. Well there's no milk, but these things are surely making room for something.

So for now that's all. While I felt the need to document these "gifts", this blog by no means is a complaining session. I gladly accept these changes to my body, especially considering the greater gift that has been given to me. So bring it on baby, Your mama can take...but please be nice :)

OMG!!!!!!

I AM PREGNANT. Ok so I sat here debating how I should write this entry. Should I talk about the end of the 2 week wait and then lead to the news or should I just come out with it. It seems I couldn't come up with anything else until I got those three wonderful words out. I AM PREGNANT!!!! We are so excited. I would love to say I had the patience to wait the entire two weeks but the last few days were tortuous. In fact I actually took a test on day 6 and it was negative. Though I knew it was too early to tell, I was still somehow a little disappointed. Taking that test early, however, ended up being a good thing. The doctor explained that I shouldn't test early because sometimes the trigger shot (ovidrel) will give you a false positive since it has the pregnancy hormone (HCG) in it. Well testing early (day 6) and getting a negative meant that the medicine had run its course and was no longer in my system. So on day 11, my husband and I went to the store and bought 4 pregnacy test. We both declared that even though we had the test we would still wait until day 14 to test. Well, we didn't stick to that plan. Day 12, Memorial Day, I woke up with the extreme urge to use the restroom. I turned over looked at my husband and he already knew what I wanted to do. Deep down he was anxious to see as well. So I convinced him that if it was negative I wouldn't break down, and I would understand that it could be to early to tell. Well, it wasn't. As soon as I took the test, despite the suggested three minute wait, the word "Pregnant" popped up on the screen. I was so shocked, I think there was a little disbelief. My husband looked at it and hasn't stop grinning since. I took a test everyday until day 14 and they all (digital, plus or minus, line or no line) said that I am pregnant. I called the nurse on Day 14 to tell her the news and she asked me to come in to confirm with bloodwork. After waiting all day for the results call, I was so relieved to here her say "Yes mam, you are pregnant". We are so happy, and so thankful that God has answered our prayers. Words can't express our gratitude.

....and counting

Today is day 6 of the 14 day wait. We're almost at the halfway mark and it's not easy. Days 1-4 weren't that bad. Being that the count begins the day after ovulation, days 1 and 2 were both IUI days. So needless to say those days were eventful and promising. Days 3-4 fell on a weekend and I was very tired.
Saturday(Day 3)I slept practically all day. There was a little pain in my lower abdomen that seemed to intensify as the day progressed. I remembered my doctor saying "call us if you feel like your ovaries are swollen". Ok, perhaps I'm just one of those women who is not that in touch with her body (jury still out on that one) but I had no idea what it felt like to have swollen ovaries. He said I would know, and boy was he right. I wasn't sure of the severity of the situation, but I knew something was going on.

Sunday (Day 4) : Not that eventful. Pain had subsided some, which made my day a lot better.

Monday (Day5): Today I had to go to work. I felt somewhat angry that I had to focus on anything other than what I was going through. Having my own business means that I have to put my personal feelings on the back burner and deal with everything else. Today I didn't want to do that. I felt it was so unfair for the parents to come to me with graduation, tuition, or sometimes their own personal issues at this time. I am angry with them even though they know nothing about what's going on. I think the hormones (progesterone) got the best of me. This is the day the 2ww (2 week wait) is starting to get to me. I'm confused. I don't understand completely what is going on in my body. I'm still in pain and I'm tired. I want to go home. I guess today was my "temper tantrum" day. I'm ready for this phase to be over. I called the doctor's office and they asked me to come in. They discovered that I did in fact have swollen ovaries and a little fluid around my uterus. It should go way, but I am to come back if it worsens. IT WON'T!!

Tuesday (day 6): I started today off with a prayer. I prayed for my body, my babies, my husband, and my strength. He's being a trooper but this 2ww is getting to him a little to. This day will go much better than yesterday (In Jesus's Name).

I did it!!!!

Today was day 2 of the 2 day IUI process. I am so relieved. After reading other blogs I thought it would be some awful process causing much pain. It was the complete opposite, in fact the doctor was finished before I thought he started. After he finished, I had to rest there for 15 minutes. I prayed the entire resting period. I know that God is faithful to complete this work that He has begun. Yesterday there were no effects of the procedure; today however, there is severe cramping in my lower abdomen. I don't mind though. I just look at it as my uterus preparing for my new baby (babies). Speaking of which, the doctor jokingly asked me today to concentrate on creating ONLY 2 babies. He said he didn't want his name in the media, so I am to think twins and nothing more. To be honest with you I don't care about his name being in the media. As long as I have healthy babies the number does not matter to me. We have enough love for more than one. I'm excited, a little nervous, and definately impatient. The 2 week wait begins and this I'm sure will seem to be the longest 2 weeks of my life. It's already too long, and it's just been half a day. I must find ways to stay busy.

And up again......

So here this rollercoaster goes up again (and up it will stay). I am so excited! I went in for my doctor's appointment today and the nurse saw 12 follicles on my right ovary and 9 on the left. I thought from our previous conversation that this would not be so good. The nurse smiled and said " I think you are all ready!" She explained that the Doctor may want me to trigger (Ovulation Shot) tonight and start the IUI tomorrow. We went from having to buy more medicine, extending the process, and being a possible candidate for IVF -to- now being ready to ovulate and this happened all in just one night. PRAYER WORKS!!!!! I just got the confirmation call and we will in fact continue the proces as the nurse explained. After the procedure is the 2 week wait. We will be waiting for confirmation of our pregnancy, because it will happen....In Jesus' Name.

Decisions

I'm thinking and thinking about all of the options the doctor gave me and I feel strongly about continuing this process as an IUI. I feel we have come too far to start over or quit now. I just don't know what to do about the selective reduction option. It's weird because I have prayed for children and feel like God is blessing me with them; yet I'm faced with the decision to eliminate some of them should I conceive more than 2. This is a hard decision to make. The nurse said that the doctor would not agree to go foward with the process unless I sign a consent for reduction. This term selective reduction seems to be sugar coating an abortion. Women abort children for various reasons- money, family structure,health issues, etc. So to me this is no different. I would be eliminating children because of some of those same reasons. Don't get me wrong, I would not want to do anything that would jeopardize the health of my babies and their health is the only reason I'm even considering this. I know God will never put more on us than we could bear. I am praying His will be done in this situation. I pray that how many ever children He wants me to have- He gives. I pray he gives us wisdom concerning this matter. In Jesus' Name.

Rollercoaster

Up until yesterday, my nurse described me a slow progressor. She saw 6 follicles on my right ovary and 6 on the left with an estradiol level of 343. This was pretty good for day 8 of the cycle. Well, I went to the doctor today and let's just say whatever I ate for dinner last night should be marketed as a follicle stimulating hormone. This morning they saw 9 follicles on the left ovary and 7 on the right and they were all a pretty good size, and my estradiol level was 552. So, I'm thinking this is good news. The nurse looks over the ultrasound and starts to explain that I moved at a very rapid rate in one night. So now I'm faced with several choices concerning the process. Because I have so many follicles near the goal size, they fear that several of them will fertilize. I went from not being certain this process would work, to possibly giving birth to a litter. The nurse brought the doctor in and they joked that my situation was resembling that of the infamous "octomom". To prevent this from happening the doctor suggested we convert from an IUI to an IVF (In Vitro), this would take only a certain number of eggs and mixed them with the sperm and place the mixture in my Uterus. My husband and I had already agreed that we would not let them talk us in to this. So what do I do now? I asked the doctor if I had a choice in the matter. He said yes, but tried to convince me to do the IVF. Here were my choices 1. Cancel the entire process and start over next month on a lower dosage of meds. 2. Convert to IFV 3. Continue the process and should I fertilize several eggs- the doctor would do selective reduction of the fertilized eggs. This is all so overwhelming. :(