Day 30 is here!!!

Finally, one step of this process is complete. I feel somewhat accomplished even though there are more steps to come. But for now, I would rather focus on how far I've come. I made it through the hormone therapy and now I ....WAIT. I wait on what seems to be the most important menstrual of my life. I'm not sure when it's coming; the nurse said perhaps 2-3 days after therapy ends. I'm trying not to let the anxiety get to me. As you see, I started this post speaking positively of what I have accomplished and now I've quickly moved on to what's to come. I hate using that word- Anxiety. I often think of the scripture "Be anxious for nothing". Sometimes I try to look for another word to describe the feeling, but it seems to be the only true fit. I'm working on it. Don't get me wrong God has been too good to me to not have faith in HIM. So the faith is there. I guess I am just so excited to see the outcome. I should be more specific about what we (my Husband and I) want. Our prayer is that we get pregnant with the first IUI cycle and that I carry and deliver a healthy baby or babies. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Yesterday was pretty much uneventful. I went to the daycare in a very crappy mood. My staff noticed it and I usually try to hide it from them. I left early because the mood was getting the best of me. As soon as I got home I napped for about 3 1/2 hours. Of course, I wasn't allowed to do anything- since the big epic fall out. My husband and in-laws acted as if I was now about to make a habit of fainting- I know it's because they care. :) I also got calls from family members who weren't there to witness this grand event (sarcasm). There were several guesses as to what the problem was; but the one that stood out the most were the guesses that I was PREGNANT. I wish that were the case. I'm excited for the day that I can make that announcement. :)

Only Day 29.....What?!?

Ok can someone tell me why it seems as if time is going in slllooooowwww motion? The date of my last blog SAYS yesterday, but I promise you it seems way longer than just a day. The events of the daycare, my personal life and the emotional rollercoster I am on due to hormone therapy says it has been much longer than that.

Let's see, what happened yesterday? My center opens at 6am. I am usually the one who opens the daycare. Sometimes, especially during this process, I wish I had a job that did not need me so much. We are in the growing process so I am dealing with county and state officials while trying to expand the center. A couple of years ago the daycare was my #1 priority, but now I have what seems to be more important things on my mind. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful to God for all he has given me and for that I will remain faithful in this process of growth. It's just that sometimes I feel I have sacrificed so much for the business and we have definately had our share of road blocks. Now I'm ready to do something for ME. Make a decision that isn't based on the state of the business. Some people may feel that my fast paced life as a business owner is every reason not to have a child right now. Those are obviously people who are not in my shoes. I am 28 years old, and I am more than capable of knowing and understanding my desire for children. Sorry, I had some inner frustrations. :)

On to my yesterday....... After work, I went home to immediately begin working on what is soon to be our new home. My husband's grandmother gave us a home that is mortgage free and we are so grateful. This home came after we gave up our home (another sacrifice for the business...financial sacrifice) and moved into the daycare. You heard it right! My husband and I needed to save money for daycare renovations and other needs, so we packed our stuff and for 2 years lived in one room of the center. That's a "whole nother" Oprah. SO we are so thankful for this house that has been given to us. However, the house is like 5,000 years old and needs alot of work. We're almost done but almost doesnt count. I am so ready to move in. So , yesterday as usual I go to the house, my mother in-law, father in-law, are already working with my husband on his way. Everything goes as usual, except today I feel weird. I'm trying to look as normal as possible because no one in my husband's family know what we are going through right now.

My head is spinning, I'm very hot, and can't see clearly. I'm trying to carry on as usual until the most dramatic thing happen. I PASSED OUT!!!!!! What is this? I am now on the floor after somewhat of an epic faint. I hit my head on the wall, the whole 9 yards. So how am I going to exlain this? This happens just as everyone decide to come over and see the renovation progress... Grandparents, aunties, everybody. So now I have an audience. They were all scared and confused; but once I came to, I knew exactly what to blame. DUM DUM DUM (Horror sound effects)...The hormones are getting the best of me. Yeah I read the side effects and yes dizziness was among the list, but no one ever thinks they're going to actually feel the side effects. So now I am mad. Why? I can't explain it. I was so disappointed in this process. I think I felt somewhat betrayed by these hormones that are supposed to be giving us a child; but decides today to TAKE ME OUT. I know it sounds weird and I guess I'm over it today, but at the time it made perfect since.

So again I say.....All of that happened and it's only day 29? UGGGHHH!!!!

The House.... I can't wait for the AFTER shots.

Our First Baby....

Meet our TIGER. He's the cutest most adorable puppy in the world. He is absolutely spoiled and most people who know us say we treat him "as if" he were a real child. What is this "as if" business. He is very much so our baby. We are just awaiting his siblings. Isn't he the cutest? We got him Christmas Day 2008. Strange Story: My husband and I had been searching for a puppy for quite some time. For christmas, his gift to me was a digital camera. Excited to begin my new hobbie of photography (yeah right), I rushed to the local drugsore to get a memory card for my new camera. As we pull up to the drugstore, we parked next to a lady with several kids and, you guessed it, a puppy. You know how it is when you're ready to have a baby you have to stop and look at every baby in passing? Well, apparently it's the same with puppies. So I stopped and admired the puppy and the lady's response is "You want him?" In disbelief I continued to admire and she persisted. She explained that one of her children brought him home and her husband refuses to add a pet to their already busy household. So we took him home with us Christmas Day. He's God's Christmas gift to us. TRUE STORY!

Frustration......Day 28

So today is day 28 of what seems to be a never ending process. A couple of months ago my husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. I knew this process would be strenuous, but I couldn't ever imagine the emotions I have felt thus far. I was diagnosed early (at the age of 16) with hypothalamic amenorrhea. That term is just a big word to explain that my brain doesn't release the hormones that would allow me to ovulate naturally. So while at 16 years old that was not a big deal to me, now I am having to face what I now feel to be a deformity in my body. So 28 days ago I began hormone therapy and am now forced to wait.....and wait... and wait. See here's the plan 1. A 30 day hormone therapy that should produce a menstrual cyle 2. Upon menses, go to the Doctors office to get levels checked 3. Once given the go ahead, I am to start Bravelle -a highly purified preparation of human follicle stimulating hormone (hFSH) and Menopur - a highly purified preparation of naturally derived gonadotropins, called hMG. ( I know this all sounds as if you need a MD to understand but once you become branded as being infertile, fertility treatments become your world. 4. after the hormone shots, I am to give myself a trigger shot that will help follicles mature and triggers ovulation (the release of mature eggs from ovaries). Finally, I'm off to the doctor's office for 2 consecutive days of IUI's..... I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but I pray in the end it's all worth it.

Whirlwind

O.K. so I figured it was about time to start this blogging process. My friends always tell me that everyday in my life is like a T.V. episode, so I figure that I should record the happenings before I forget all the ups and downs my husband and I have endured to get to where we are today. So readers let me warn you, although I wouldn't trade it for the world, my life is a roller coaster. I could complain about all that I have endure and all that I'm still enduring, but then I remember that even the most beautiful flowers had to go through dirt to grow. :) Happy Reading.