Sweet Relief

Second trimester, Here I come! It is hard to believe that this is the last week of my first trimester. I'm already a third of the way through this pregnancy and the horrid symptoms of the first trimester are fading away (I pray). I'm happy to announce that the daily nausea and vomiting has subsided and what a relief that is. I still feel nauseous a little when I've waited too long to eat but it's nothing compared to before.

New symptoms of the 3rd month of pregnancy: Dizziness, shortness of breath, light-headiness and headaches and backaches. It sounds like alot, but I would take it over the nausea and vomiting any day. The other day I had all of these symptoms combined and it alarmed me a little. I called my hubby at work to vent to him am he seemed very concerned yet busy at work so of course I wasn't satisfied with the amount of attention that he could give me. I figured I'd just go throughout my day dealing with these things alone....all by myself (do you hear the hormonal sob story music?). I also thought he wouldn't give my concerns second thought, not because he's insensitive but just because he's a man (no offense honey, I was just having a hormonal fit). But....Boy was I wrong. I came home from a long days work walked into our house and found rose petals all over leading to our candlelit bedroom. AWWWWWWWWWW!!!!! :) Wasn't that the sweetest. I ate dinner in bed and though I would like say we continued our "romantic" night, the story ends with me falling fast asleep. I slept like a log that night. It was a much needed moment of peace. Thanks Honey!!! :)


He took pictures....despite my fatigue demeanor and the green socks. OMG!!

Blogging Boycott....

It seems as if I've been on somewhat of a hiatus from blogging. Although not planned, I often felt that my weekly blog would sound the same considering the events of the last few weeks. Let's see if I can wrap it up in a nutshell and then quickly move forward.....nausea, vomiting, severe heartburn, more vomiting, severe tail bone pain, more vomiting, extreme fatigue, and did I mention vomiting? I think that about covers it. I am, however, happy to say that I am feeling much better. Shockingly the first trimester is almost over and those symptoms are fading away. I am reluctant to brag about them being completely gone. I spoke to a friend last week explaining that the rough part was over, after a week of no vomiting, and that very night I was back to it. So today I'll say I'm feeling better and trying to stay that way.


Now on to other and definitely BIGGER news......THE BELLY!
As soon as the doctor declared my pregnancy, it seems my stomach received some sort of signal and started making room. I am currently 11 weeks pregnant and look as if I have a miniature beach ball under my stomach. To add to my own shock and disbelief, I have onlookers who constantly protest that either 1. I am further along than the doctor knows (which is not likely considering the IUI process), or 2. There is more than 1 baby in there. The funny part about it is since I run a daycare, I see the same people everyday, yet they feel the need to say the same things EVERYDAY! I usually get a WHOA!!! Girl!!! followed by whatever their prediction is. I explain that we've already had an ultrasound and the doctor found one baby. Yet most people insist that another baby is hiding behind the baby we see and then proceed to tell me of a story of someone in there family that this has happened to. So somehow, genetics from their family has jumped to me and now I have another baby hiding in my stomach. I apologize for the sarcasm but you just wouldn't believe how many times I've heard these stories. Well, enough procrastination, I'll let you be the judge (judge nicely). I have finally decided to post a belly pic.


HERE IT GOES!!!!

First Ultrasound Results

I'm so sorry it took so long. I haven't been feeling too well lately and I had every intention to blog immediately after my doctor's appointment but the baby had other plans that didn't include anything but ice chips and a bed. Either way...on to the Ultrasound. I left work that day with anticipations- of what, I don't know. Since this is my first baby and the first ultrasound, I didn't know what to expect. I was nervous and excited both at the same time. So finally I arrived to the doctor's office, my husband arrived shortly after and we waited until my name was called. That wait was only about 3 minutes but at the time it seemed way longer. We were escorted back and I was instructed to get into that dreaded position that most women detest. I am usually amongst those women but this time was different. I was so excited that the nurse didn't even have time to leave the room while I was undresssing. So, the journey began. I lay there as the nurse gives my husband and I a tour of my nesting place. I had tread these waters plenty of times before, but my husband sat in an upright position, giving the tour his undivided attention. Then the moment came. The most beautiful words I've ever heard were uttered, "and there's your baby!". I was blown away, though to some people it might appear to be a bean shaped blob, to me it was way more. I "oooed" and "awwwed" as if the baby was here cooing with me. She showed us the heart beat which was at 150 beats per minute, right on schedule. She also said the baby measured 7weeks 5 days and I am actually 7 weeks 1 day. I had a friend who joked that the baby was already taking after his/her tall parents. :)LOL This was an exciting day! I finally got to see the little bundle that had already changed my life a great deal and what a great relief it was to see and hear that everything was looking great.

Now introducing Mommy's Baby.

Ultrasound Today!!

Today is my first ultrasound - The first time I will actually see my baby. I am very excited, a little nervous, and very ready to get to it. I've heard alot of women say the first ultrasound is their realization that they are actually pregnant. Well not for me.... I think the nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, ect. is a sure give away that there's a baby in there. So, I'm just excited to see the baby, hear the heart beat, and hear that everything is going great.

Storytime..... This one is called, "POOR HUBBY"!
So it all began Sunday evening. I wasn't feeling very well and hadn't eaten much all day. That night my husband had cleaned the house, washed the laundry, just being the wonderful husband he is. So he wakes me from a long nap so that I can take my meds, and so he could put fresh linen on the bed. I got up, used the potty, got back in the freshly clean bed and took the last 2 of my daily 4 pills. I lie back down, because that's all I have the energy to do. He put the pile of laundry on the bed so that he could fold and I sat up in a jerking panic and hurled all over everything. The clean comforter, the sheets, the pile of laundry and my husband were all soiled. :( Though I physically felt horrible, I think I felt more for him and his hard work being ruined. He had been up cleaning while I'm napping and all of his work was destroyed. Sorry Honey :(. TRUE STORY

I WON!!!!

OK, I wasn't going to blog this morning because I had a rough night. Didn't sleep at all, literally. I tossed and turned in nauseaus agony and had to leave home early to open the daycare by 6:00am. Either way, every morning on the way to work I try to win the Q100 5:30 club prize which is usually something really nice (money, gift card, concert tickets, etc). I truly was not in the mood to try this morning but said I'd give it a try- one call and I was done. If it rang busy, I did not have the energy to keep trying. Well, I WON!!!!! I won a $100 gift certificate to Spa Sydell. I briefly told the DJ's about my rough morning and they were great- So concerned and they even said this prize was perfect for me as I could get the prenatal package at the spa. I was so excited I had to blog this now. Winning this prize also qualified me for their monthly prize which is a getaway for two. I'm saying my prayers on that one, too. Boy could my husband and I use a getaway!!

A look back......

I am now 5 weeks pregnant- 1 month down 8 to go. Maybe I shouldn't use that countdown method because at this stage 8 months seems a world away. I really plan on enjoying this pregnancy. Hopefully the sickness will be over soon so that I can actually take in every moment. It's hard to believe that just a few short weeks ago I was believing God for this baby and now I am pregnant. I would like to say that in that process my faith never wavered, but that's not exactly true. During that two week wait I didn't blog much. That time was truly a test of my faith. I wasn't taking any medications, or going to daily doctor's visits any more. I just had to wait. All sorts of thoughts crossed my mind. Even though I prayed and declared this pregnancy before God, I had moments of weakness where I thought... "WHAT IF?" What if it doesn't happen? What if I never get pregnant? The testimony in all of this is that God is merciful and He knows that my trust is in Him. I just allowed that waiting period to turn into a short time of doubt and I deinately did not want to blog those feelings during that time. Even though the thoughts crossed my mind, I am a firm beliver that there is power in what you say. So I definately did not want to speak those feelings of doubt. So here I am now 5 weeks pregnant and it is still a faith walk. I know what the statistics say about the first trimester of pregnancy (being the most critical), but I still believe in the same God that got me to this point. My husband and I speak life to our baby daily. I know...and firmly believe that God is faithful to complete this marvolous work that He has begun in me. :)

Rude awakening....literally.

What can I say? Though I'm new to this pregnancy game, I thought I had it all figured out. I expected to be tired and the nausea I was experiencing was surely durable, so I thought I had a hang of this thing they call "morning sickness'. So if you ask my friends they'd quote me saying, "oh it's not that bad, yeah I get nauseous but it's really not that bad". Well, the feeling I felt yesterday morning was inhumane. I'm lying in bed asleep and a strong force literally woke me. I sat up to try to ease the discomfort and no position would comfort me. I stood up and the saga began. I rush to the bathroom and let's just say both ends were occupied. I FELT HORRIBLE!! So this is what they call morning sickness and the only comfort that anyone could give me was "It's only this bad for the first trimester". What!?! That is three months of my life that I must feel like every vital organ is flushing itself. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't trade this pregnancy for anything-not even to never feel that way again. I will ,however, be praying that my little one is a little nicer to me...I promise to make it up to ya!!! :) But if you choose not to little one then it's Ok. I'll look at the sickness as your way of letting me know you're in there, and that for me is comfort enough.

So little...So powerful

So if I wasn't sure before, I am definitely sure now...There is a baby growing in there and he/she is taking over. One blogger described her "symptoms" as gifts, so in the spirit of it all I'll try to stay just as positive (I mean I did ask for this, right). So the following are a list of gifts that my new baby, yet so small, has already given me:

1. Frequent moody/emotional moments
I cried the other morning because a car cut me off on the highway. Are you serious? I couldn't understand why I was so upset at this driver so I cried more. I'm so snappy and irritated a lot. I try hard to check myself (as I was quite feisty before the pregnancy) but it so hard to control the irritation. If I'm not crying, I'm moody. If not moody, then I'm extremely happy (remembering my blessing). Finally, if I'm not happy, then I'm sick -Which brings me to my next "gift".

2. Morning-Noon-Evening-Night Sickness
I think this term morning sickness should be reconsidered. Whoever said the sickness was specific to mornings only? I have several moments where I'm not sick at all, but then there are those moments where I wonder if my baby likes me. I'm nauseous, cramping, irritable and achy. The only thing that keeps me going is the fact that these symptoms means my baby is in there. I try to stay positive during those moments, but the term 'morning sickness' is very very misleading :).

3. Sleeping PatternsThere comes a time in my day that sleep hits me and there is nothing I can do about it. Case in point- I took our summer campers outside to play on the playground yesterday and as I enjoyed watching them play, I found myself dozing off uncontrollably. Thank God there was another teacher outside or perhaps I should have been reported to the authorities for child(ren) abuse. I promise it's not my fault though. The sleep hits me like nothing I've ever felt before. It's as if I took 3 times a dosage of NyQuil. I'm still trying to learn how to work through those moments. I don't work at a desk in an office all day. Most of my day is spent with active summer campers who most definitely cannot have one unsupervised moment. What must I do?

4. Finally a "TMI" moment (Warning may not be suitable for young readers :)
Let's talk about these things attached to my body that I once called breast. They now are more like floatation devices. They're huge, they're sore and the option of going braless is no more. I never thought this change would happen so early in pregnancy. I assumed that the further along you are, your body starts to produce the milk to nourish the baby and that is why most women's breast are huge. Well there's no milk, but these things are surely making room for something.

So for now that's all. While I felt the need to document these "gifts", this blog by no means is a complaining session. I gladly accept these changes to my body, especially considering the greater gift that has been given to me. So bring it on baby, Your mama can take...but please be nice :)

OMG!!!!!!

I AM PREGNANT. Ok so I sat here debating how I should write this entry. Should I talk about the end of the 2 week wait and then lead to the news or should I just come out with it. It seems I couldn't come up with anything else until I got those three wonderful words out. I AM PREGNANT!!!! We are so excited. I would love to say I had the patience to wait the entire two weeks but the last few days were tortuous. In fact I actually took a test on day 6 and it was negative. Though I knew it was too early to tell, I was still somehow a little disappointed. Taking that test early, however, ended up being a good thing. The doctor explained that I shouldn't test early because sometimes the trigger shot (ovidrel) will give you a false positive since it has the pregnancy hormone (HCG) in it. Well testing early (day 6) and getting a negative meant that the medicine had run its course and was no longer in my system. So on day 11, my husband and I went to the store and bought 4 pregnacy test. We both declared that even though we had the test we would still wait until day 14 to test. Well, we didn't stick to that plan. Day 12, Memorial Day, I woke up with the extreme urge to use the restroom. I turned over looked at my husband and he already knew what I wanted to do. Deep down he was anxious to see as well. So I convinced him that if it was negative I wouldn't break down, and I would understand that it could be to early to tell. Well, it wasn't. As soon as I took the test, despite the suggested three minute wait, the word "Pregnant" popped up on the screen. I was so shocked, I think there was a little disbelief. My husband looked at it and hasn't stop grinning since. I took a test everyday until day 14 and they all (digital, plus or minus, line or no line) said that I am pregnant. I called the nurse on Day 14 to tell her the news and she asked me to come in to confirm with bloodwork. After waiting all day for the results call, I was so relieved to here her say "Yes mam, you are pregnant". We are so happy, and so thankful that God has answered our prayers. Words can't express our gratitude.

....and counting

Today is day 6 of the 14 day wait. We're almost at the halfway mark and it's not easy. Days 1-4 weren't that bad. Being that the count begins the day after ovulation, days 1 and 2 were both IUI days. So needless to say those days were eventful and promising. Days 3-4 fell on a weekend and I was very tired.
Saturday(Day 3)I slept practically all day. There was a little pain in my lower abdomen that seemed to intensify as the day progressed. I remembered my doctor saying "call us if you feel like your ovaries are swollen". Ok, perhaps I'm just one of those women who is not that in touch with her body (jury still out on that one) but I had no idea what it felt like to have swollen ovaries. He said I would know, and boy was he right. I wasn't sure of the severity of the situation, but I knew something was going on.

Sunday (Day 4) : Not that eventful. Pain had subsided some, which made my day a lot better.

Monday (Day5): Today I had to go to work. I felt somewhat angry that I had to focus on anything other than what I was going through. Having my own business means that I have to put my personal feelings on the back burner and deal with everything else. Today I didn't want to do that. I felt it was so unfair for the parents to come to me with graduation, tuition, or sometimes their own personal issues at this time. I am angry with them even though they know nothing about what's going on. I think the hormones (progesterone) got the best of me. This is the day the 2ww (2 week wait) is starting to get to me. I'm confused. I don't understand completely what is going on in my body. I'm still in pain and I'm tired. I want to go home. I guess today was my "temper tantrum" day. I'm ready for this phase to be over. I called the doctor's office and they asked me to come in. They discovered that I did in fact have swollen ovaries and a little fluid around my uterus. It should go way, but I am to come back if it worsens. IT WON'T!!

Tuesday (day 6): I started today off with a prayer. I prayed for my body, my babies, my husband, and my strength. He's being a trooper but this 2ww is getting to him a little to. This day will go much better than yesterday (In Jesus's Name).

I did it!!!!

Today was day 2 of the 2 day IUI process. I am so relieved. After reading other blogs I thought it would be some awful process causing much pain. It was the complete opposite, in fact the doctor was finished before I thought he started. After he finished, I had to rest there for 15 minutes. I prayed the entire resting period. I know that God is faithful to complete this work that He has begun. Yesterday there were no effects of the procedure; today however, there is severe cramping in my lower abdomen. I don't mind though. I just look at it as my uterus preparing for my new baby (babies). Speaking of which, the doctor jokingly asked me today to concentrate on creating ONLY 2 babies. He said he didn't want his name in the media, so I am to think twins and nothing more. To be honest with you I don't care about his name being in the media. As long as I have healthy babies the number does not matter to me. We have enough love for more than one. I'm excited, a little nervous, and definately impatient. The 2 week wait begins and this I'm sure will seem to be the longest 2 weeks of my life. It's already too long, and it's just been half a day. I must find ways to stay busy.

And up again......

So here this rollercoaster goes up again (and up it will stay). I am so excited! I went in for my doctor's appointment today and the nurse saw 12 follicles on my right ovary and 9 on the left. I thought from our previous conversation that this would not be so good. The nurse smiled and said " I think you are all ready!" She explained that the Doctor may want me to trigger (Ovulation Shot) tonight and start the IUI tomorrow. We went from having to buy more medicine, extending the process, and being a possible candidate for IVF -to- now being ready to ovulate and this happened all in just one night. PRAYER WORKS!!!!! I just got the confirmation call and we will in fact continue the proces as the nurse explained. After the procedure is the 2 week wait. We will be waiting for confirmation of our pregnancy, because it will happen....In Jesus' Name.

Decisions

I'm thinking and thinking about all of the options the doctor gave me and I feel strongly about continuing this process as an IUI. I feel we have come too far to start over or quit now. I just don't know what to do about the selective reduction option. It's weird because I have prayed for children and feel like God is blessing me with them; yet I'm faced with the decision to eliminate some of them should I conceive more than 2. This is a hard decision to make. The nurse said that the doctor would not agree to go foward with the process unless I sign a consent for reduction. This term selective reduction seems to be sugar coating an abortion. Women abort children for various reasons- money, family structure,health issues, etc. So to me this is no different. I would be eliminating children because of some of those same reasons. Don't get me wrong, I would not want to do anything that would jeopardize the health of my babies and their health is the only reason I'm even considering this. I know God will never put more on us than we could bear. I am praying His will be done in this situation. I pray that how many ever children He wants me to have- He gives. I pray he gives us wisdom concerning this matter. In Jesus' Name.

Rollercoaster

Up until yesterday, my nurse described me a slow progressor. She saw 6 follicles on my right ovary and 6 on the left with an estradiol level of 343. This was pretty good for day 8 of the cycle. Well, I went to the doctor today and let's just say whatever I ate for dinner last night should be marketed as a follicle stimulating hormone. This morning they saw 9 follicles on the left ovary and 7 on the right and they were all a pretty good size, and my estradiol level was 552. So, I'm thinking this is good news. The nurse looks over the ultrasound and starts to explain that I moved at a very rapid rate in one night. So now I'm faced with several choices concerning the process. Because I have so many follicles near the goal size, they fear that several of them will fertilize. I went from not being certain this process would work, to possibly giving birth to a litter. The nurse brought the doctor in and they joked that my situation was resembling that of the infamous "octomom". To prevent this from happening the doctor suggested we convert from an IUI to an IVF (In Vitro), this would take only a certain number of eggs and mixed them with the sperm and place the mixture in my Uterus. My husband and I had already agreed that we would not let them talk us in to this. So what do I do now? I asked the doctor if I had a choice in the matter. He said yes, but tried to convince me to do the IVF. Here were my choices 1. Cancel the entire process and start over next month on a lower dosage of meds. 2. Convert to IFV 3. Continue the process and should I fertilize several eggs- the doctor would do selective reduction of the fertilized eggs. This is all so overwhelming. :(

Happy Mother's Day!!

I'm a day late, but that is every indication of how busy my Mother's Day was. It started out with the usual visit to the doctor which made it a very atypical Mother's Day. For me however, it was good news because my follicles were growing right on schedule and my estradiol level had more than doubled (6 follicles 201 Estradiol). These levels were said to be pretty good for a woman with my condition. A lot of people have been wishing me a Happy Mother's Day. Now this was not the first time that I have been wished a Happy Mother's Day, but this time I was a little more emotional after each well wish. The emotions, though sometimes tearful, was ironically joyous. I was so happy to hear so many people "speaking those things to be not as though they were" over my life. I pray that each Mother's Day wish was a message to heaven on my behalf.

May 10, 2009 also marks the 8th year of me and my husbands relationship. It was 8 years ago that he asked me to be his 'girlfriend'. We learned in church that 8 is the number of new beginnings, and boy do we have our share of those this month. I'm excited! I thankful for the life that God has given me, and I know that even my trials will one day be testimonies.

Finally we spent our first night in our new home last night. (After pictures coming soon.)

What a Day!

I have been extremely tired the last couple of days. Last night I had every intention to blog, but I laid on the bed just to rest for a second and the next thing you know my alarm clock was ringing for me to get ready for work the next morning. Well it's Day 5 and I had my first monitoring appointment today. I didn't know what to expect. I arrived at my 7:15 appointment, did blood work and ultrasound and that was it. They said we'll call you later on today with your levels. So this is what was on my mind all day. I had to camouflage my feelings as a they were being taken over by a flat tire, employee issues at work, speaking with contractors regarding daycare renovations, and being "therapist" for the parents whose children attend the center. The whole time I'm thinking , "What will my levels be?" "Why was the nurse so hesitant to give any results while I was there?"...and this is only the first monitoring visit. Finally, the nurse called and said that my Estradiol level was 77. So what does that mean? Is it good or is it bad? All I know is that they definately want the level to increase. It did that, but was it enough? When I asked the nurse did I have anything to worry about she said, "Not yet". What kind of response was that? Either I should or I shouldn't be concerned right now. She explained that it's too early to worry about anything right now, but for some reason I feel she's trying not to say something. They cancelled my appointment for tomorrow and told me to come on Sunday morning. Am I moving that slow to where I don't even need daily monitoring as planned? This is all too spontaneous. My type A personality is not allowing me to rest during this process. I'll just have to keep my eyes to the HILLS. Yeah, I know where my help comes from. So I pray right now for peace over this situation. I know God's has it right in the palm of His hands, and that's the safest place to be. NIGHT NIGHT! :)

It's for the cause....

I am now on day 2 of the hormone shots. They actually aren't that bad. The first day's anticipation was dreadful but after the shot I see I have nothing to worry about. I had read blogs of other women explaining the pain they felt after the shots but my experience was a piece of cake. Yeah it stung a little but that was it. Thank God. I would have hated to fear this process for the next 6-8 days. Oh yeah I forgot to mention the other day the nurse told me that there is a possiblitly that the process could end sooner than planned. When I start the daily monitoring if they notice that I have enough mature follicles present then they may trigger me sooner than day 10. I am very hopeful considering the fact that each monitoring appoinment cost about $300. Let's do the math. Each visit is $300 and they have scheduled 6 visits-that is $1800 just for doctor's visits. Did I mention my insurance does not cover any of the cost. Here is their explanantion: The decision to have a child is a life choice just as an abortion; therefore infertility is not a covered diagnosis. Does that make any since? My husband and I pay over $250/month for medical insurance. We are both generally healthy people. However, the ONE medical issue that I am faced with is not covered by my insurance. THAT IS RIDICULOUS!!! The wrong thing that you say to a woman who can't have children naturally is that her desire to have children is merely a "choice of life". I feel I have a cause to fight. There has got to be a change in the world of infertility. There was no choice for my body to lack the things necessary to conceive naturally. There is however, a human right to have children. People are out there getting procedures such as Lasik Eye Surgery- no one is telling them that "seeing" is a choice of life. Oh yeah I am very upset. My husband and I have had to save for a while to pay for this process, and we still weren't fully prepared. BUT GOD!!!! He has blessed me with great friends. Just when we thought that the financial sacrifice was too great to conquer, God sent our friends to help. One of my best friends and her husband offered to finance the monitoring visits for us. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed by their generosity. It was just enough to motivate us to finish this race we've started. THANKS WARRENS. We love you. (The Finchs and baby Finch :) )

Say What?!!??!!

Today was my first follicle ultrasound. On the way to the doctor, I had no clue as to what we were checking for. I've been to so many appointments and checked for so many things that I am somewhat lost in the whole scheme of things. However, I soon found out that we were checking to see how many follicles were present on each ovary that could possibly receive an egg during ovulation. The ultrasound tech explained that about 7-8 follicles on each ovary was adequate for the process to work. She then told me that I have 15 follicles on my right ovary and 27 on the left. This next statement absolutely blew my mind. The tech looked at me and says, "Wow...You're Fertile"!! SAY WHAT?!!??!! In all my years of ob/gyn, endocrynology and reproductive biology visits, I have never heard those words. I walked out of that room smiling as if that tech had placed my baby right in my hands. Yeah, I know it may not seem to be that big of a deal but in the infertility world, GOOD NEWS is GREAT NEWS.


So the hormone injections begin tonight. I was prescribed 1vial of Bravelle and 1 vial of Menupur for ten days. I'm ready for this!! I'm not sure of any side effects I may feel, or what mood I'll be in; but I keep reminding myself that all "mothers" make sacrifices for their children. My sacrifices are just having to start a little earlier than most. I'm excited!!

My Faith Declaration: In Jesus' Name it SHALL be done!!!

It's Here!!!

Never before have I been this excited for bloating, cramping, and moody irritation; but knowing that I am one step closer to meeting my baby makes it all worth wild. So this morning, the menstrual began. I kind of knew it was coming because the symptoms started long before it began. I called the doctor and my nurse said for me to come in first thing in the morning. I am excited, nervous, and a little scared. Most likely I will be told to start the shots tomorrow night. This is really happening! :)

Day 30 is here!!!

Finally, one step of this process is complete. I feel somewhat accomplished even though there are more steps to come. But for now, I would rather focus on how far I've come. I made it through the hormone therapy and now I ....WAIT. I wait on what seems to be the most important menstrual of my life. I'm not sure when it's coming; the nurse said perhaps 2-3 days after therapy ends. I'm trying not to let the anxiety get to me. As you see, I started this post speaking positively of what I have accomplished and now I've quickly moved on to what's to come. I hate using that word- Anxiety. I often think of the scripture "Be anxious for nothing". Sometimes I try to look for another word to describe the feeling, but it seems to be the only true fit. I'm working on it. Don't get me wrong God has been too good to me to not have faith in HIM. So the faith is there. I guess I am just so excited to see the outcome. I should be more specific about what we (my Husband and I) want. Our prayer is that we get pregnant with the first IUI cycle and that I carry and deliver a healthy baby or babies. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

Yesterday was pretty much uneventful. I went to the daycare in a very crappy mood. My staff noticed it and I usually try to hide it from them. I left early because the mood was getting the best of me. As soon as I got home I napped for about 3 1/2 hours. Of course, I wasn't allowed to do anything- since the big epic fall out. My husband and in-laws acted as if I was now about to make a habit of fainting- I know it's because they care. :) I also got calls from family members who weren't there to witness this grand event (sarcasm). There were several guesses as to what the problem was; but the one that stood out the most were the guesses that I was PREGNANT. I wish that were the case. I'm excited for the day that I can make that announcement. :)

Only Day 29.....What?!?

Ok can someone tell me why it seems as if time is going in slllooooowwww motion? The date of my last blog SAYS yesterday, but I promise you it seems way longer than just a day. The events of the daycare, my personal life and the emotional rollercoster I am on due to hormone therapy says it has been much longer than that.

Let's see, what happened yesterday? My center opens at 6am. I am usually the one who opens the daycare. Sometimes, especially during this process, I wish I had a job that did not need me so much. We are in the growing process so I am dealing with county and state officials while trying to expand the center. A couple of years ago the daycare was my #1 priority, but now I have what seems to be more important things on my mind. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful to God for all he has given me and for that I will remain faithful in this process of growth. It's just that sometimes I feel I have sacrificed so much for the business and we have definately had our share of road blocks. Now I'm ready to do something for ME. Make a decision that isn't based on the state of the business. Some people may feel that my fast paced life as a business owner is every reason not to have a child right now. Those are obviously people who are not in my shoes. I am 28 years old, and I am more than capable of knowing and understanding my desire for children. Sorry, I had some inner frustrations. :)

On to my yesterday....... After work, I went home to immediately begin working on what is soon to be our new home. My husband's grandmother gave us a home that is mortgage free and we are so grateful. This home came after we gave up our home (another sacrifice for the business...financial sacrifice) and moved into the daycare. You heard it right! My husband and I needed to save money for daycare renovations and other needs, so we packed our stuff and for 2 years lived in one room of the center. That's a "whole nother" Oprah. SO we are so thankful for this house that has been given to us. However, the house is like 5,000 years old and needs alot of work. We're almost done but almost doesnt count. I am so ready to move in. So , yesterday as usual I go to the house, my mother in-law, father in-law, are already working with my husband on his way. Everything goes as usual, except today I feel weird. I'm trying to look as normal as possible because no one in my husband's family know what we are going through right now.

My head is spinning, I'm very hot, and can't see clearly. I'm trying to carry on as usual until the most dramatic thing happen. I PASSED OUT!!!!!! What is this? I am now on the floor after somewhat of an epic faint. I hit my head on the wall, the whole 9 yards. So how am I going to exlain this? This happens just as everyone decide to come over and see the renovation progress... Grandparents, aunties, everybody. So now I have an audience. They were all scared and confused; but once I came to, I knew exactly what to blame. DUM DUM DUM (Horror sound effects)...The hormones are getting the best of me. Yeah I read the side effects and yes dizziness was among the list, but no one ever thinks they're going to actually feel the side effects. So now I am mad. Why? I can't explain it. I was so disappointed in this process. I think I felt somewhat betrayed by these hormones that are supposed to be giving us a child; but decides today to TAKE ME OUT. I know it sounds weird and I guess I'm over it today, but at the time it made perfect since.

So again I say.....All of that happened and it's only day 29? UGGGHHH!!!!

The House.... I can't wait for the AFTER shots.

Our First Baby....

Meet our TIGER. He's the cutest most adorable puppy in the world. He is absolutely spoiled and most people who know us say we treat him "as if" he were a real child. What is this "as if" business. He is very much so our baby. We are just awaiting his siblings. Isn't he the cutest? We got him Christmas Day 2008. Strange Story: My husband and I had been searching for a puppy for quite some time. For christmas, his gift to me was a digital camera. Excited to begin my new hobbie of photography (yeah right), I rushed to the local drugsore to get a memory card for my new camera. As we pull up to the drugstore, we parked next to a lady with several kids and, you guessed it, a puppy. You know how it is when you're ready to have a baby you have to stop and look at every baby in passing? Well, apparently it's the same with puppies. So I stopped and admired the puppy and the lady's response is "You want him?" In disbelief I continued to admire and she persisted. She explained that one of her children brought him home and her husband refuses to add a pet to their already busy household. So we took him home with us Christmas Day. He's God's Christmas gift to us. TRUE STORY!

Frustration......Day 28

So today is day 28 of what seems to be a never ending process. A couple of months ago my husband and I decided we were ready to start a family. I knew this process would be strenuous, but I couldn't ever imagine the emotions I have felt thus far. I was diagnosed early (at the age of 16) with hypothalamic amenorrhea. That term is just a big word to explain that my brain doesn't release the hormones that would allow me to ovulate naturally. So while at 16 years old that was not a big deal to me, now I am having to face what I now feel to be a deformity in my body. So 28 days ago I began hormone therapy and am now forced to wait.....and wait... and wait. See here's the plan 1. A 30 day hormone therapy that should produce a menstrual cyle 2. Upon menses, go to the Doctors office to get levels checked 3. Once given the go ahead, I am to start Bravelle -a highly purified preparation of human follicle stimulating hormone (hFSH) and Menopur - a highly purified preparation of naturally derived gonadotropins, called hMG. ( I know this all sounds as if you need a MD to understand but once you become branded as being infertile, fertility treatments become your world. 4. after the hormone shots, I am to give myself a trigger shot that will help follicles mature and triggers ovulation (the release of mature eggs from ovaries). Finally, I'm off to the doctor's office for 2 consecutive days of IUI's..... I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but I pray in the end it's all worth it.

Whirlwind

O.K. so I figured it was about time to start this blogging process. My friends always tell me that everyday in my life is like a T.V. episode, so I figure that I should record the happenings before I forget all the ups and downs my husband and I have endured to get to where we are today. So readers let me warn you, although I wouldn't trade it for the world, my life is a roller coaster. I could complain about all that I have endure and all that I'm still enduring, but then I remember that even the most beautiful flowers had to go through dirt to grow. :) Happy Reading.